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But as crappy as compromise can feel at the moment it is made, anyone in a long-term relationship can attest that it is the fertilizer of romance.

My husband says he would feel too guilty doing it without me, which means he may not be able to do it at all. Once drinks have been served, the ice has been broken, and a little spit has been swapped (between him and HHH), tell him you’ll invent a reason to excuse yourself (your period, bad clams, whatever), leaving him alone with your HHH.

Anaïs Nin wrote in a letter to her then-lover, Henry Miller.

Your response to the mention of Harry Potter drips with what I trust is unintentional condescension.

Don’t want women to think you’re administering a quiz?

I’ve had guys call me an asshole because I exchanged messages with them for 20 minutes and then didn’t come right over and fuck them. Does logging into a hookup app like Grindr imply openness to an immediate sexual encounter?Talking Online Repulses Some Others Always be up front about your intentions, TORSO.I post on dating websites, go to the lesbian club, take part in the LGBTQ scene at my university, and put myself in places where I might meet women.But I’m worried that my persona deters women: I’m extremely analytic, a doctoral student and university instructor.I’m a middle-aged homo trying to figure out Grindr.Is it impolite to go on Grindr if you’re not looking for an immediate hookup?Whenever I meet a girl, our conversation always goes in the same direction: She thinks it’s cool I work with literature and then brings up her favorite pop-culture novel like Harry Potter. A Lesbian Obviously Needs Excitement You’re doing all the right things — almost.I say something like, “I’ve never read Harry Potter, but people rave about it. I took an online Harry Potter test once for a friend, and it said I was a Slytherin.” At this point, things change. She says something like, “Oh, I’m not good at describing things,” seemingly feeling pressured to give me an intellectual response, like I’m giving her a quiz. I am having trouble maintaining casual and fun conversations despite my intentions. I think I’m a pretty attractive person, but my dating life is starting to make me feel differently. You’re getting out there, you’re not shy about initiating conversation, and you’re moving on multiple fronts — online, club nights, LGBTQTSLFNBQGQIA groups.